So, real life happened.
I have to admit that the past two weeks have been some kind of a mountain I had to hike over. It felt like the longest, most arduous hike ever and with no companion by your side. Hi-five if you understand exactly what that means.
It is true that when rubber meets the road, you'll learn precisely how well you can handle the rigours of life and the stress that comes with it. And as it turns out, not well for me, I'm afraid. While I wasn't a quivering, shaking mess, I feel like I came so close to it that if not for the sheer grace of God, I would not have survived it.
I'm naturally an upbeat person. But when you put me in a negative environment for prolonged periods, it seriously wears down on me and I forget what my original mantra or intent was in the first place. I'm also incredibly affected by people around me - their attitudes, frame of mind and demeanour towards me. I've discovered that I'm quite like a reed and not at all like a tree.
So painful to discover your inadequacies, weaknesses and shortcomings. And the tendency to wallow in that is so very real. It was a huge struggle in my mind and everything felt like it was crashing around me. As dramatic as it sounds, there were points where I wondered what on earth I was doing here (a cardinal sin, no doubt).
However, I'd like to say that God's word always brings perspective and realigns us where we ought to be. Philippians 4:4-7 really spoke to me immensely this season. Paul exhorts the believers in Philippi to rejoice in the Lord, be reasonable and to bring your requests to God. Then, the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard their hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
For once, I thought about Paul's perspective when he said this. I don't think it was an easy thing for him to rejoice in the Lord considering his circumstances or what he had been through. But nonetheless because of his circumstances, he knew he had to rejoice in the Lord. I don't think I've felt more conviction over that statement to really fully rejoice in the Lord than I do currently. God's word is so applicable and relevant to me. It came alive in such a tangible and very gritty way.
That is life. It isn't pretty but He makes all things beautiful in His time.